Though flight eight-eleven bounced and skidded onto Fijian concrete in the same unforgiving darkness through which I slept, by the time I exited the airport, the tropic sun was quickly hoisting itself to the top of the sky, breaking through hazy early morning clouds in that way that always looked like heaven to me. If I believed in such a place, anyway. Immediately after clearing customs, I made my way into the kind of stagnant humidity you wear like guilt and attempted to find a ride to Port Denarau. The first woman that approached me smiled and offered to help me with an earnestness I had learned to be skeptical of when traveling and asked me my name. “Taylor,” I said, and exchanged the same question to her. I abandoned my suspicion for the honesty in her words and smile and Vera agreed to take me to Port. She booked me on the Yasawa Catamaran to Kuata, a small nature reserve, two hours away by boat, and immediately I was three hundred Fijian dollars poorer. As I had missed the shuttle to the port and Vera was driving me in her car, we stopped to pick up her children and drop them at school on our way. Marie, 10 and Peter, 7 slipped quietly into the back of the car as I turned back to introduce myself. Apprehensive and reserved out of respect for their mother, they both shyly looked down at my cheerful introduction, barely uttering their own names in response. Their mother began to speak to them in the first bouncing, song like tones of native Fijian I heard, and slowly they began to relax and chat openly in their native tongue, though were still too shy to offer more than a word or two of English to me. Regardless, a smile stayed drawn across my face as the warm nature of the Fijian was the very first welcome I received.

heaven overexposed


After the confusing and costly check-in process at Port Denarau, I made my way immediately to the bar on the boat to taste my first Fijian beer (a bitter disappointment), and then immediately to the upper deck to absorb the paradisiacal setting that would be my home for the next four days . The tiny islands scattered themselves in hazy voids across the cobalt blues of the south pacific horizon, as if mirages, slowly gaining in size and detail as the large, quick vessel tore through the endless waters.

Island Mirage


Kuata, Yasawa Islands


As the boat approached the Yasawa Islands my body smiled in the glow of freshly found freedom, absorbing the majesty of these mountains rising from the sea like some ancient paradise lost. As we stepped off the boat we were greeted with a round of “Bula Bula,” a Fijian welcome that you quickly tire of being required to enthusiastically shout at every arrival, departure, and event. The fanless room dorm room was more stifling than the air itself, but as the seven of us that arrived together from Nadi got settled in our beds, the easy conversation of past travels began. Despite the fact that in America the large majority of people were shocked and scared for my spontaneous and open-ended adventure, the rest of the world seems to thrive on travel the way I do. Most had been roaming on one-way tickets for six or eight months, with plans to continue on for a year or longer. It is contagious to be surrounded by the kindred spirits of wandering souls and within moments I had already begun to plan a trip to Indonesia and Thailand when New Zealand’s autumn dipped into the frigid winter I had only just escaped. Of my six dorm mates that had been traveling around Asia and the South Pacific for the better part of the year, most had only run into a handful of Americans and I found myself once again trying to defend my fellow countrymen against the worldwide stereotype that we are moronic, close-minded, and ethnocentric. A difficult thing to do as I believe there is a good amount of truth in that stereotype. Despite the fact that there are plenty of exceptions. Will, a charming yet arrogant young Brit, dropped a statistic that eighty percent of Americans don’t even have a passport and I didn’t doubt its validity. Why is it that international travel isn’t important to American culture? I constantly desire to expose myself to as many new cultures as possible and yet a large and ignorant piece of our population actively chooses to stay put, insisting that they can find everything they need in the States. The thought made me sad for such people, but regardless, as the only American on the island I did my best to represent my country well. By the end of the boisterous night of playing drinking games to the lilting Polynesian strums of ukulele and guitar, I am pretty sure I convinced the group that all Americans are charming, witty, good-humored, well-traveled, reckless alcoholics.

South Pacific Sounds


After only one day in this remote crescent of more than three hundred islands I sank easily into what the locals refer to as Fiji time. Minutes drift into irrelevance in a place like this and lazing the days away weaving or carving any and everything out of coconuts slows the soul and loosens the limbs. I passed two easy days walking around the islands, snorkeling, kayaking, napping in the shade, and looking out over the South Pacific letting the beauty and tranquility of this place sing to my venturing bones.

Sunrise over Kuata


By the time I awakened to the breakfast drum on my third morning in Fiji, it was already time to head back to the mainland of Vita Levu and I knew I needed to return to this place soon. I had seen only two of hundreds of islands snaking their way in an arc around the two main bodies, and had seen nothing of the mainland itself. As it was, my time was almost up and I headed back towards Nadi with Sebastian. He was a smart, though somewhat humorless, textbook Aryan with white-blonde hair from head to toe and almost translucent periwinkle eyes. We met on South Sea Island the night before and talked for hours about traveling, the world, and life in our respective countries. As we were headed the same direction, we accompanied one another on the three kilometer walk from the bus stop to the hostel in the piercing sun and tangible humidity. My pack grinded and stung my sunburned shoulders with each step as we trekked towards the beach, our shirts soaked in tropic sweat, mouths stuffed with cotton, and dreamed of the first cold sip of Fiji Bitter that was sure to touch my lips as soon as we arrived. The heat kept us mostly in silence, until, in true Fijian fashion, a car traveling the opposite direction stopped and asked if we needed a ride. An older man in his late forties with an a smile that asks for nothing in return carved into his instantly welcoming face, and his plump, quiet wife happily turned their car around and we felt the forgotten relief of air conditioning with the weight off my pained, stinging shoulders. After checking in to the cheapest room on the beach at just fifteen Fijian dollars, I passed the hours in the shade of a small thatch umbrella letting the words to describe the unwinding I had felt since arriving find their way from pen to paper.

Peace.


Sebastian and Tom Robbins in the hammock


Hours are easy to pass in Fiji when the breeze sweeps the heady humidity from your neck and before I knew it the tranquil beach was a torch-lit club and I found myself making friends with a table full of locals and Australian ex-pats that had made their homes here. As once again the sole American at the table, the conversation immediately made its way to our egotistical and unwarranted national pride. Yet again I found myself defending the large part of our population that understands and attempts to change the antiquated idea of world dominance that pervades the worldwide American stereotype. After several hours of passing a pitcher of beer around the table from which you pour a shot and offer it to someone else (a friendly tradition I found promotes good will amongst strangers), the bar topped its bottles, closed its doors, and the handful of us sober enough to keep drinking headed into Nadi proper to Ed’s Bar. American hip-hop pulsed through the street outside as we approached and my body buzzed with alcohol and anticipation for true Fijian nightlife. The only girl among four intimidatingly large, but good humored Fijians, two greying Aussie ex-pats, and one Norwegian wanderer, we chatted and ribbed one another in playful jest while dancing to the same five songs on repeat the entire night. We shot a few games of pool, and threw back bourbon (a tradition I brought to the group) until the bar closed its doors as well and the boys congregated outside deciding where to head on to next. I was assured by the group as a whole that I had changed their opinion of at least one American, but I guess stereotypes are a hard thing to break down. Drunk, tired, and departing for New Zealand tomorrow, I was ready to head back to the hostel. Dee, a Guiness-toned native, whose formidable build belied his sweet nature, prodded me to join them at his house party. For the first time since I arriving in Fiji, I declined and instantly tensed at the bitter hint of unwanted pressure. Grasping the crook of my arm the way you would a petulant child he pulled me away from the bar in requests that quickly lost their playful nature. It is not often I turn down a party, especially not while on vacation surrounded by friendly and exciting strangers. But I also have a strong relationship with my instincts and the discomfort I began to feel spread to my bones like cancer, and the defenses that sit dormant in me most of the time threw up their stony walls. My tone and posture hardened and I pulled myself from the prodding crowd, attempting to find a taxi. Even, the soft, Norwegian traveler that had accompanied the group from the beach to the bar sensed my discomfort and the change in my demeanor, and found a cab for the two of us to return to the hostel. Conversation between us had been easy from the start and the long, fair-haired Scandinavian and I made our way to a hammock on the pre-dawn beach to drink the last beer I had found in my bag on the ride home. The desire to kiss the kind spirit came to my mind more than once, though never made it to my lips. And when the beer was done and it was time to turn in, I offered him to share my bed as his hostel had already closed its doors for the night. I laid my head on his chest under the cool breeze of the fan and we found sweet sleep together on my last night in a place I knew to which I would one day return.

Traveler’s note: Our sweet and peaceful rest at Horizon Backpackers left me covered neck to toe in excrutiating bed bug bites. Lesson learned: ALWAYS use your sleeping bag, even if it’s a hundred degrees.

hideous, itchy, swollen bed bug legs

The last month of excited and nervous anticipation had finally come to its climax. Next to the door of Iva’s cozy Venice Beach apartment sat an overstuffed backpacker’s pack, a similarly overstuffed messenger bag, and a pair of Rainbow flip-flops, worn and dirtied with their travels thus far and ready to take my feet on their next adventure. As the minutes passed I rushed hurriedly to make sure there was nothing I had forgotten and it felt as though I was perched on a stove top, each following second bringing my blood closer to boil. By the time I tossed my bags in the trunk of her long, black boat of a slowly deteriorating Benz, I was electric. Every limb charged with an unfamiliar vibration, or rather, a stronger dose of a feeling felt before. As we sailed easy down the city streets with laughter on my breath and wonder in my eyes, I gazed contemplatively out the window as the reliable row of palms whipped past. Los Angeles to me was a heartless, grimy city that had always left a bitter distaste on my tongue. I recalled that last Thursday as Iva and I made our way downtown and I sat absorbing the city as it passed. It was the only romance I ever saw in the maudlin palms; silhouetting themselves against the ashtray gray of that smoggy Hollywood night in their sad, terrible postures. But this night was different. For the first time I saw their lithe graceful forms preen against the crisp illuminated darkness through which I would soon be flying. Or perhaps I was just feeling unusually sentimental for the sleaze and whore, the heartbreak and romance, of my last American city. This was the last, lonely thought of my country to make it through my mind. As Iva pulled up to the Air Pacific entrance of the international terminal at LAX, we got out of the car to say our last goodbyes for the year to come. With the heavy pack weighing on my petite stature, we embraced each other tightly and offered best wishes in both directions, knowing that our friendship was forever unbound by time or distance.

I made it to the gate without event and reached out one last time to those I love the most before boarding the massive double-decker jet. One shitty meal, two cocktails, and two Ambien later I spread myself across the entire row I had been provided on the sparsely sold flight. As the plane made its eleven hour journey through the blind black of the midnight Pacific, I slept, knowing when I woke that the constant buzzing of curious anticipation would finally be satiated by the start of the life I had been waiting to lead.

I am sitting in seat 18F on Virgin America flight ninety-seven, non-stop from Washington Dulles to Los Angeles International. In four days I will be on Air Pacific flight eight-eleven non-stop service to Nadi, Fiji. And on the twenty-fifth of February I will be on Air Pacific flight four-thirteen non-stop to Auckland. Three one way tickets will take me from the truest home I have ever known to a place I have never been, and where I know not a single soul, for the next year. A month ago this was all just a tempting joke, a crazy idea, a reckless dream, and now my plane is taking off. I press my head to the cool plastic of the window, refreshing against my skin in the stifling cabin, and watch D.C. miniaturize before my eyes. As eighteen-wheelers turn to ants, the white remnants of the third blizzard in this historic winter swallow the last detail of the landscape. Soon only the winding black veins of pavement, cutting through the mounds of dirty snow in mountainous piles around the city, are visible. As we ascend, the gritty city dirty fades away, and as the snow suddenly appears as pure as the moment it fell, I whisper farewell to Washington.

There is a strange feeling slithering around me, squeezing my limbs slow and strong as a snake, as I hold one foot over the edge, eyes wide open, more than ready to follow with the next. It is excitement that electrifies my skin, tinged with nervous curiosity that tightens my belly, and pangs bittersweet when I think of the ones I love and left behind. It is a feeling that I have never felt before and though people tell me i should be scared shitless, and making a plan, or predicting the future, I am not. I want to not know what is going to happen. I want to stumble from one place to the next as the universe guides me blindly through strangers and coincidence. I want to be ready for anything and open to everything and say no to nothing and find that something that feeds my wandering soul, that has kept my roots from searching the same soil for too long. And no part of me doubts that I will.

As I wake from a painfully uncomfortable excuse for a nap, my eyes burn with the need for real sleep, fighting my racing mind and famished body. Raising the window shade, bright white pierces my heavy eyes and I realize I slept through the long, eventless stretch of fly-over states. The Rocky Mountains rise jagged like scars on the vast body of America, and pure, powdery white tops the ridges and valleys past the hazy edge of the expansive horizon. As I gaze down on the formidable landscape, I wonder how the birds see New Zealand, with which strangers I will find love, and what kind of girl I will have grown into when I find myself wandering back to the family of people I love in the District. The best part is not knowing.

As the plane touched down in the soft crepuscular light over the Hollywood Hills, I twisted my aching body against the seat, and reestablished communication with the outside world after five long hours of clear skies and red eyes (say word). As my luck of late would have it, my inbox held a fortuitous inquiry: a strong travel writer available from March through April needed to come to South Africa, all expenses paid, to assist in finishing a travel guide in time for the World Cup. Amazing. With the thrill of possibility already rising in my chest, I read on. The ideal individual is able to eat out three times a day and go out to bars on weekends, is comfortable with living in hostels on a budget, is flexible and has a sense of humor, and has experience traveling, preferably within Africa. Unbelievable. It was like reading a synopsis of my life, a description of the very dream I had been chasing. It felt as though the moment I let go of certainty and control, the universe opened up to me.

Everything was aligning effortlessly and those bittersweet pangs that haunted my contemplative mind on the plane were quickly overwhelmed by the sweet, addictive high that comes with a new unknown adventure and boundless possibility. If they could fly me round trip to Africa from New Zealand I could be back in New Zealand by April with nine months before my visa expires. It’s perfect. Still just a hope, an opportunity, I wait to learn upon where I stumble next. Perhaps in two weeks I will cross the South Pacific only to continue on over the Indian as well, and find myself in the cradle of humanity once again, exactly one year from the first time I journeyed there. And if the winds don’t blow me toward South Africa, then I’ll take my wandering soul to the Northland and learn how to surf in the last sweet weeks of Kiwi summer.